When my husband and I got married we used traditional wedding vows, you know the type:
I, ‘C’, take you ‘A’, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
To show respect…
Possibly the hardest part about our marriage vow.
I like to talk, and sometimes that includes complaining about things. And unfortunately that includes my husband. I personally find it very easy to find the negative things in a person, especially my family. Their grumpiness. Their teenage attitude despite those years being 3 years off. Lack of help with the children.
But that isn’t what I have vowed.
I’ve vowed to love my husband. To cherish him.
If I moan about him, he’s not going to feel very loved. If I run him down to my friends, I’m not cherishing him, making him feel special.
If I don’t listen to his opinion, I’m not showing him any respect.
‘She does him good, all the days of her life.’ Proverbs 31:12
We as wives should be striving for that. Doing good for our husbands. Loving him. Respecting him. Cherishing him.
This simple gesture will have the biggest impact. Pray for his wife, his health, his faith, his job, his role as a father, your marriage, his worries. Anything that burdens your heart. If you are in need of assistance, one of my favourite prayer books is The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Ormatian. (She has a wealth of books available.)
Speak his Love Language.
‘A’ and I have very different love languages. That simply means that I need to extra vigilant to hear him ‘speak’ in order to feel loved, but likewise I have to be extra careful to ensure that what I do helps him to feel loved.
It is far too easy these days to multi task. Social media also makes it too easy to be distracted by other peoples lives. Pay attention to his words, his body language, his schedule.
I have an uncle with an amazing gift of being able to remember what’s happening around him. He would ask at supper about our day and recall what we had said the previous day and ask how the ‘event’ went. This used to make me feel special. Valued.
We need to be the same. Truly listen to what our husbands are saying, notice his body language and follow up the next day where necessary. Nothing says I value you more than that…
Show your appreciation. Tell him he’s gorgeous. Remind yourself the reasons you fell in love with him at the beginning. Find opportunities to share them with him. Use technology to help you. Brag about him to your children and friends. ‘I am so spoilt, my hubby bought me a cup of tea in bed this morning after looking after the children for an hour, so I could sleep in…’
Give him time.
Time for him to be able to relax, unwind, regroup. Time to recharge his batteries. Time with you. Find ways of spending time together- doing hobbies or entertaining or going for walks. My hubby loves to play Warhammer,(and blogs about it here) so we paint together and play against each other. I lose, regularly- ok often, but the point is we are spending time together doing something we are enjoying. (and yes I’ve learnt to enjoy it!)
Making someone feel special, honoured and cherished requires focus and diligence. But it is something that we have vowed before God and our family and friends to do.