I grew up with the happily ever after. My parents have been married for over 40 years and while they are happily married, I know that they have had their difficulties.
I married Mr Perfect and everything would be…well… Perfect and we would live happily ever after.
By the time we were celebrating our second wedding anniversary I was 6 months into my second pregnancy and a year later diagnosed with PND. M was going through a troubling time at school, but was she having issues because of her age or because of my mental state at home? I was emotionally challenged as my moods swung from anger to apathy to enjoyment. I was emotionally challenging to anyone who shared the house with me due to those mood swings. I don’t know how many times I threatened to leave my hubby during those dark parts.
The biggest blessings?
My husband and my mother.
‘A’ didn’t understand how hormones can play havoc mind. That this was something beyond my control. I think in a way, he still struggles with it. But he went with the flow. He never challenged my threats or made any of his own. To that I owe him our marriage.
My mother I owe my sanity. She recognised the signs of depression,and after a disastrous anniversary date where we came back separately, she took me to her doctor who put me onto anti depressants.
Things now are a lot better. But love is the hardest part.
Love requires commitment:
A commitment to keep loving the person, even when he/ she doesn’t necessarily deserve it. (I’m not talking about abusive relationships here, that’s another area altogether.)
Love requires sacrifice:
Sacrifice of self to another persons desires and interests. After all we haven’t married a mannequin.
Love requires hearing:
Hearing what the person is saying verbally and non-verbally. When K was 4 months old, I mentioned to my health visitor that I had answered the PND questions online and had failed the test (really badly). Her response? ‘Thats because you are trying to be a perfect Mum’. My non-verbal statement- I’m not coping, please help. That cry was only heard 2 years later.
Love requires giving:
Giving of your trust. Your emotions. Your time. These will enable love to grow and flourish.
Love requires patience:
Patience to bear each others faults. There is no Mr or Mrs Perfect. Patience and tolerance go a long way for deepening love.
This year ‘A’ and I celebrated 11 years of marriage and we have a lot to celebrate and be thankful for.
Meeting the right someone is hard.
But loving them forever is the hardest part.