Gibbs Rule #6: Never apologize — It’s a sign of weakness.
I’m a huge NCIS fan. It’s my tv escape. I love the interaction between the different characters, their relationships and the comments that get passed. For those of you that aren’t NCIS fans, Gibbs is the team leader and he has a set of rules that he lives by and expects his team to follow too.
Recently after an interaction between A and I, I got thinking about Rule #6. Namely because I had been hurt by what had been said and even more so by what hadn’t (ie I’m sorry I hurt your feelings and offended you)
I often think about this rule when I’m feeling hurt after an argument or ‘interaction’, but recently my thoughts have changed…
After our interaction, I’m thinking that Gibbs is wrong. Apologising is a sign of strength. It takes a great deal of strength to admit that one is wrong. That one made a mistake or that one was just plain rude in their behaviour. It takes strength to make oneself vulnerable and say, ‘it was wrong of me to….’
I realised that evening that justifying our behaviour, doesn’t make it right, and even if it is right, the other person has taken offence and has been hurt by our words (and probably by our justification of our actions.)
I didn’t apologise that evening to A. I tried to make up, but he got a migrane and by the time it cleared so had the argument. I did realise though that I don’t apologise either. I don’t see/ am unable to see my faults, and too proud to ask what I’ve done to hurt A, and even if I do, I find myself justifying my behaviour.
It does feel that A subscribes to Gibbs Rule #6. But I can’t change him. He is who he is. I can however change me, and at the moment I’m pretty sure that A feels that I subscribe to the Rule too.
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